If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.

Job: Cheesecake Factory

House: On 15th Avenue

GPA: 3.8

Very, very happy.

Glancing at those words written on the table, I felt like a prophecy was made. A terrible, twisted prophecy of death here in my backyard.

CAUTION: ADULT CONTENT. 

Brian killed himself yesterday.

Justin was Brian’s room mate. He found Brian in room 709; he was hanging from the “don’t die in fires” water sprinkler. Ironic. 

I think everyone who knew Brian is still in shock. I’m still in shock. I feel like I should cry, but I’m not sure how to go about it yet. I knew him. That’s what it came down to. I may not have known him very well, but I’ve slept in the same room with the guy, studied together, had conversations, eaten food. It disturbs me. It’s shaken me up. 

Rumors and speculations are encircling Brian’s death. No one knows why he committed suicide. I guess we’ll never really know. 

Justin says he can’t get the image of finding Brian yesterday out of his mind. I don’t blame him. 

What the fuck. How does this happen…

I don’t have a lot to say, mainly because I’m not sure how to approach this yet. I know that I’ll be sticking close to friends, healing, and moving on. Because, really, what else can we do? I’m renting a house with Allex on 15th Avenue in two weeks. Finals are upon us. Job searching is still going. That’s my life. Brian’s has ended.

R.I.P. 

I just think it’s amazing how people can make you so happy and piss you off so much. What the fuck. 

Evan is not living with me and Allex. That means my rent has increased by about two hundred dollars. Not a happy little fact-especially because my dad is going to kill me. I can’t help it. It’s too late to sign up for the dorms, so what am I supposed to do? That, and I actually want a HOUSE. A place to call HOME. Lord knows I’m just tired of living at home. I love my parents and all, but I love the freedom that comes with my own place. So, looks like I’m going to be paying some money for living on my own. Not a big deal, right?

Wrong. Because, frankly, why the fuck haven’t I been hired yet? I’ve applied to places. Haven’t heard back from any of them. Lovely. I need to work at a law firm, but all of them hire full-time, which I can’t afford to do with full-time school. BLEH. It’s really not cool when you are told that a firm is hiring, send them an email, and they WON’T get back to you. 

I’m going to get my eyebrow pierced soon enough. I guess I’ll just apply at Mellow Mushroom, or really anywhere that I could get a decent paycheck. I mean, I can’t get my eyebrow pierced until I find a job that A). let’s me have a piercing or B). dictates that piercings are evil. We’ll find out. 

I’m super stressed. SUPA SUPA stressed. Happens to the best of us, I know. I’m just upset about my living arrangements, some people, and my job. It’s getting close to the deadline and I have nothing arranged. If you know me, you know I’m an OCD freak who must have details worked out. This is bothering me.

And I need to censor my sailor mouth. 

SILENCE. I KILL YOU. Jeff Dunham, anyone? Oh yeah.

I love life. Seriously, life is so good right now. I’m really happy with someone. I blew off schoolwork this entire week to hang out with friends. I think it’s one of the more rewarding things I’ve done this semester. Like, I don’t even care about school right now; I’m so happy. Evan might be transferring schools next semester. Great (yeah, sarcasm). I lose my room mate, and my best friend on campus. I’ve already applied for jobs here, and I’m working on getting our house. Then he tells me he might be leaving. What am I supposed to do, seeing as how I’ve already started planning my life down here? I know that really I’m just upset over the fact that I might lose him, but it’s also frustrating not knowing what I’m doing. I guess if I don’t have him here this summer, I might live in Huntsville? That would give me time to do a show assuming I could find one to audition for. Still, I’m really….upset, I guess. Ok. So I went from really happy to really upset. Stay with me here.   Anyone up for a journey to a different city?  

I hope everyone realizes that my header is from Little Miss Sunshine. Dwayne, probably my favorite character in the entire movie, says it.  Life is good.College is especially good. I love the college atmosphere. I love my friends here, especially my roommate, Hannah, my best friend, Evan, and my soon-to-be roommate, Allexandra. I like classes. I like the fact that they are challenging. I appreciate that my professors expect me to know the material, and express their concern when I don’t understand. I like studying political science. Already I feel that my mind has been opened to atrocities happening in our global system. I have a better understanding of political workings inside and outside our government. I can predict new events. The only downside: studying political science does make me cynical about humans. Corruption is everywhere. But, if I look at my friends and family, I can still see that good exists.  I’m glad that my best friend has had a life turnaround. I still don’t know how to thank the person who helped him, but, when I meet her, I’m going to give her praise for doing so. I love how we meet certain people in our lives who challenge and inspire us.  My sister, Amy, is pregnant. I get to be an psuedo-aunt. I want to be really involved in this child’s life. I can’t wait for my house this summer. Already the dorms feel stifling. To actually have a home with two cats and one dog will be radical. The freedom. The new experiences. Life in general. Truth. Knowledge. Honor. Integrity. The four new words to describe Alpha Lambda Delta, the honor society I belong to. It felt really nice to be acknowledge for my academic achievements. I’m going to run for officer, and also to try and obtain a scholarship there. I already applied for a UAB scholarship. I should hear back any day now…please pray that I receive some money. It would be very nice and, not to mention, needed. Especially because law school will be so expensive. Hello, debt! Oh well, life goes on.  My step-sister and I have become closer. That’s really pleasant. We’re going to Bonnaroo together, along with Emma and hopefully Evan. I’m super stoked. That’s about it, really. Life.Is.Good.Love.